Focus, Realization

The one word I seem to have completely forgotten is focus. Too much waywardness cost me a lot off late. I have had to endure a lot because of that. Now after a much needed vacation, I am beginning to realize my priorities again. I had them in sight, but they were blurred. This week especially has been good in terms of realizing what I missed doing, and what I should do from now on. Also, on a personal note, I have finally understood what eluded me for months now. Now that I know, to hell with it. I have better things to do than worry over spilled milk. We only grow as a person when we realize our mistakes and don't repeat them. I don't know if I've made any mistakes, but, I've decided I won't repeat some things. So many more thoughts to share, but this time, I'll just keep them to me.

A sincere advice -- Look deep within yourselves, if your actions are at conflict with your conscience, there is something seriously wrong with you. You need to change yourself. Otherwise, just don't bother explaining your actions to others. You aren't accountable to anyone who doesn't care about you and tries to judge you.

Our life always has priorities. Lets not lose focus. Lets get back to wiggling the big toe.

Cheers
Brijesh

Memoirs of a trip long due - 1

Thursday, September 1st

Finished Ganesh pooja at home. Ate some pretty awesome masala vada. Packed my stuff for the trip in literally less than 10 mins (never done it..will never do it...left some important stuff i needed to take..phone charger for instance) and took off. Mixed feelings at the airport. I arrived early and had to wait. I generally don't like airports, but this time, it was different. I never liked St.Louis airport for the kind of stale air it presumably has (near the boarding gates). Didn't feel it this time. I can never concentrate in an airport is what I thought. This time I could read a book; and a brilliant one at that..Atlas Shrugged. btw...the girl sitting next to me had some really good looking legs.... ahem...ahem... back to concentrating on reading the book. So there I was reading about existentialism and suddenly I felt good. If you read my previous blogs, you can find a disappointment in the undertone. Didn't feel it when I was reading the book. Thanks Ayn Rand!.

5:45 pm
It was time to get to my gate and board the flight (Was sitting at another gate because there wasn't any place to sit near the gate I was supposed to board). So, as I boarded and sat and looked out of the mirror...I saw myself sitting in the window seat right on top of the wing. I dont know why, but I ALWAYS get seats near the wing. Next time, I should carefully choose my seats (something I've been telling my self for ages and never done). I developed a hatred for flight journeys for 2 reasons
1. Recycled air.
2. Recycled air!!!!

....Delta was good though. I think I will like flying once again. So then, continued with the book reading. Then after sometime, I looked out of the window and saw the small hole in between the windows. I always wondered why they had that and always told myself to go and Google it. Still haven't done it. The flight to Salt Lake city was fascinating for two reasons.

1. I was reading Atlas Shrugged
2. I looked at perhaps the most amazing sunset i would ever see.

...And there the plane was flying on top of the Rockys. I really wish I was brilliant with words to describe exactly how I felt when I saw them in fading sunlight. The reddish orange of the sun's rays illuminated the snow patches of the Rocky mountains. It looked as if the mountain ranges suddenly became snow erupting volcanoes. Then as the sun began to set, it was as if time was going backwards. Imagine a large blob of magma going back into volcano, diminishing as it does so. When the sun set completely, suddenly the mountain range looked very cold again with the snow patches. Then as we started our descent, it appeared as if the mountains had hidden diamonds obscured by the sunlight. The city lights in the twilight, the city itself in between the mountains. In one simple expression---WOW!

The flight back to Seattle was pretty ordinary. But then when I reached there, I felt at peace. Being in the company of my friends itself was such an exhilarating experience (especially with the prospect of a wonderful trip). We had a delightful dinner, spoke for some time decided on the plan for the trip and slept.

Amidst all this, I couldn't keep my mind off the wonderful sight I was treated to.

If only.......

Cheers
Brijesh

Random post - 1

I just read the "sleepless nights" blog and I was like... "What the hell did I write?????? read LAME. And yes it does. Reads like a 5th grader trying to write a poem by deliberately rhyming the words. So, I told myself "Don't ever do that!!". How I wish I was a much better writer!!. Now then, last weekend was tumultuous to start with, fun in the middle and then uncertainty filled to the end. I think I'll blog about the fun part first. Went to Meramec State park, enjoyed the stay at the cabins. Met all of my friends barring one after 2 years. Yeah! It was FUN. Went trailing the next morning, swam in the river, came back exhausted, went for a brief walk again, set up campfire at night, got drunk, played poker and slept. When it was time to come back, didn't feel like coming back. Monday was grim. Had a meeting with my advisor. I didn't pass the qualifiers. This is one of the reasons I really feel hurt. I'm just hiding it. I probably won't show any emotions (actually I am in this blog), but boy it hurts. It hurts as much as the other thing that I don't want to blog about. I don't know how much of this I can take anymore, but if anything, it definitely has made me into a better person. I've always treated failure as success' equal. Without each other, they don't have any value what so ever. In geek/nerd talk when you put it in the words of a control engineer "deliberately include noise in the system, if there is no such thing, as, a pure system is faulty and will fail eventually. Here, the noise being failure and the pure system being absolute success. All said and done, it still bloody hurts.

I heard a story about a gang of serial murderers and the punishment handed to them. Then there is all this talk about capital punishment in the news. Read a really good article/editorial about capital punishment. So now I have one more topic to write a serious blog on. Which reminds me...I never wrote that blog on Economics I've been postponing for 2 years now. I will when I have enough knowledge and relevant stuff to write on it.

I'm off on a long long awaited trip tomorrow. I hope I have fun again. Until then...

Sayonara
Kashyap