My genetic program

Am I genetically programmed to be lazy... or am I genetically programmed to live life on my own terms?.. I cannot say.

I think I am genetically programmed to learn....never for a profitable cause...but do I? No!... I also live to fulfill other's expectation of me.
I think I am genetically programmed to speak my mind...always...but do I?...No! I fear being misunderstood.
I think I am genetically programmed to be carefree...but am I? No!.. I am conscious about by behavior.
I think I am genetically programmed to be fun loving...am I? Do I allow myself to be so? mostly yes..but I don't think it's always so.
I think I am genetically programmed to feel strongly about making a difference to my society..have I? No!...One day I will.

After all this time..., I lead a life where I still consciously or otherwise do not know what I am genetically programmed to do...or do I? I do not know if I have the guts to always follow my intuition!

There is nothing that gratifies us more than the feeling of knowing what exactly we are genetically programmed to do and follow it.

Cheers
Brijesh

Nightmares

Ahh, the pain! it hurts so much so that it translates to nightmares
Like an adult telling a child its allright
I talk myself to sleep every other night.
I wake up every morning owing to myself
today its going to get better, its going to be different.
But alas! this pain doesn't go,
it has lingered too long, may be a little too long
that the day it vanishes, I will feel both extreme happiness and a void.
I fear it will become a part of me,
I hate this pain, but in retrospect it is also good
For it is pure, it shows me for who I really am
I feel helpless before it as I am unaware of its depth
But this pain! it hurts the more I know.

Belief

Generally, we believe in the 'impossibility' of something happening. When someone dares to dream and talk in a different plane altogether, some deride him, some praise his/ her thoughts but invariably almost everyone fails to see what the other person sees. When that person achieves something he/she has been dreaming about, suddenly everyone sees him/her as a great person.

Is the other person really great or is it just that we lack belief?.... I'd say we lack belief. 

If we dont believe in the existence of possibilities and work towards achieving them, we will never make a difference to this world. We will just be people who closed our eyes and looked at the world from someone else's perspective. And unknowingly, we would have lived a blind life by the time of our death.

~Brijesh

Random quotes

Stay strong but not rigid

Stay flexible but not gullible

~ Brijesh

27th year of my life

By far...this has been the worst year of my life by many accounts.Largely I haven't been myself. Honestly I shudder to even think about it, but again I'm happy it has passed and left me with a better insight into my personality. Now, I have to get back to being ME. But honestly, its because of this 27th year, I have matured as a person. I know how not to be from my experiences.

So, when I am 27, I would have dealt with many of the things I wouldn't have liked to address otherwise. So, I guess I can safely say one of my worst years (or perhaps the worst) is behind me and things can get better from here. How good it gets is almost entirely in my hands. So here I am, on the 24th saying 27 cheers to the 28th year of my life about to start on the 26th :)

~Kashyap

The story of the 1/- Re coin

I was so lost in thoughts that I didn't realize that the book in my hand had slipped..when I did, I went searching for it in the market...couldn't find it anywhere..then....2 kids who seemed younger to me, came and gave me the book...they asked for Re 1/-...so i unwillingly gave them the rupee I had saved for "chikki" (groundnut jaggery sweet or whatever..we used to get 4 for Re1/-)...i felt like kicking myself in the nuts ( and honestly I was a little happy that it was practically not possible)..such was my rage and repentance...then i hear the 2 kids running towards me..and...they give me back my Re 1/-...i couldn't believe it..I could see a certain pride in their faces..it was like they had this air or superiority for showing some compassion towards me..but there was a lot of honest intent involved...i forgot about all the repentance in about 10 seconds after telling myself to be careful...so then... I went to school..bought 4 chikkies and shared them with friends...and in the end it turned out I didn't get to eat even half of one chikki...

I realized that 1/- Re wasn't meant to be mine afterall..but its memory lingers...its not a sweet memory...not something that taught me to be careful and I refer to it now when I ought to be careful...its just simply a memory...its a part of my childhood I just seem to remember...but strangely...it always makes me happy when I think about it :)

p.s. I even have a visual emeory of the entire morning and the 1/- Re coin :)

Cheers

Kashyap

16:40 -- 17:40

The one minute of my life....  .... .......

There are somethings you look at, and relate to them so much that you actually put yourself in that situation. You feel nice no matter what. Now what you see might be something that is blissful or something that is painful. Apparent laughter does not always mean happiness. And tears do not mean sorrow. I'm pretty sure anyone who's reading this blog has seen enough life to define the one moment they can call their own. I'm not talking about moments you spend with friends/ family in trips or otherwise. If you really like yourself, you would like spending time with yourself. It can only be then that you can see the one moment/instance that completely describes your thoughts and actions. If you are trying to look happy by masking the pain...you might have just given a helpless laughter. If you feel unhappy over petty things in an otherwise happy life, I'm sure there must have been a point where your cribbing has annoyed you.

Those are the moments that define us as persons. If you analyze without bias, almost all of those moments are self inflicted. 99% of the time your life is in you hands. The remaining 1% is the uncertainty life has in store for you which makes it all the more beautiful.

What I'm saying might make sense or it might not. But spend time with yourself. You aren't a loner if you do that. It might just help you find the moment that you've all along been ignoring or overlooking. You might find your identity. The one you probably can never describe to any other person.

Cheers
Kashyap