Right now...as of this exact moment.....saying 'I'm furious' is a serious understatement. I have been super angry for a couple of day now, but this extremity is actually hurting my head...my ear lobes are HOT..my eyes are burning..
I simply hate myself...I have been channeling this rage into work...but still there is a lot pent up...Honestly, I can't even express the magnitude of my anger...I probably have never been this angry...definitely not in my recent memory. This is good. This is good. This anger is because I hurt my ego. I hurt my pride. I hurt it real bad. Not before anyone, or with respect to anyone. That would be meaningless. That is good, because I know the levels of focus I can obtain when this happens. This is good for the fact that I feel ashamed for the right reasons. Not because I failed once again before someone very dear. I cant let that be my driving force. I dont want to. My hunger for success has to come from within, not because I want to fulfill someone's expectation.
All this while...my ambitions were lethargic, slow and overly analytical. I am now greedy. Greedy is an understatement. Its like I'm famished when it comes to success. If I have to achieve what I foresee for myself, right now, I have to change my idea of success drastically.
This anger is bad..people will misunderstand my actions. I will appear rude. I might seem weird. But, honestly I dont care anymore. To hell with all that. I JUST SIMPLY DONT CARE ANYMORE. I have been grossly misunderstood before. So, this is not new to me. I really dont want to care about it anymore.
I would have used something else, but I will just say 'Gaulish swear words' and go to sleep.
I simply hate myself...I have been channeling this rage into work...but still there is a lot pent up...Honestly, I can't even express the magnitude of my anger...I probably have never been this angry...definitely not in my recent memory. This is good. This is good. This anger is because I hurt my ego. I hurt my pride. I hurt it real bad. Not before anyone, or with respect to anyone. That would be meaningless. That is good, because I know the levels of focus I can obtain when this happens. This is good for the fact that I feel ashamed for the right reasons. Not because I failed once again before someone very dear. I cant let that be my driving force. I dont want to. My hunger for success has to come from within, not because I want to fulfill someone's expectation.
All this while...my ambitions were lethargic, slow and overly analytical. I am now greedy. Greedy is an understatement. Its like I'm famished when it comes to success. If I have to achieve what I foresee for myself, right now, I have to change my idea of success drastically.
This anger is bad..people will misunderstand my actions. I will appear rude. I might seem weird. But, honestly I dont care anymore. To hell with all that. I JUST SIMPLY DONT CARE ANYMORE. I have been grossly misunderstood before. So, this is not new to me. I really dont want to care about it anymore.
I would have used something else, but I will just say 'Gaulish swear words' and go to sleep.
